Envy Is Getting the Best of Me (Learning to Deal With It)

two eggs one sad one angry - How To Not Be Envious - featured image

How to not be envious – this is something I’ve been struggling with lately. Ever since my fiance and I decided we wanted to have kids soon, girls my age whom I know from school, previous work, all sorts of places started popping up pregnant. It legit started looking like the Universe was laughing at me!

And yet, despite knowing I should be happy for them and that we’ve only just decided to kind of see what happens… I started feeling envious. Envious in that good, old, all too familiar way of:

Why do they deserve to have it, and not me?

Once I realized that’s just not right, I went back to my six years of psychology studies. I also utilized meditation that I love so much, and decided to remind myself how to not be envious.

How To Not Be Envious

Remember It Didn’t Fall From The Sky

I’m not gonna pretend I have the moral ground on all sorts of envy. It’s one thing to learn how to not be envious of others’ success, which they’ve received thanks to their hard work. However, it’s a very different thing to not envy those born into it.

Of course you’re going to look at someone with money, status, who travels the world with their boyfriend… Plus hires two nannies per kid then hits the gym and looks amazing, and think: GOD I wish that were me. Why isn’t it me?

Well, because of chance.

But some things are more than chance. If you look at people who’ve clawed, bit, and gave every ounce of their being, not sleeping, not going out, and envy them for what they’ve created, that simply isn’t fair. I recently heard from a friend that her college roommate just got engaged, moved in with her boyfriend of four years, and got a job that pays 2.5x the national average during the same week! But I know how hard she worked to get there, and I know how much patience it took, so how could I possibly envy her?

I tried to apply the same logic to those expecting moms. Planned or not, they did “do the deed”, and we did only vaguely agree to not worry about protection anymore. I’m actually being angry at chance once again, so how does that make sense?

How to Not be Jealous of Others By Using Gratitude

I wrote about affirmations and manifesting before, and gratitude is a big part of both. It might sound like some modern mumbo-jumbo (I know it did to me, for the longest time), but it just… It makes sense. If you’re aware of how much you’ve already got, how much better you have it now than before (not than other people, because that opens a whole new portal towards envy of those who have it better than you).

For example, just a couple of years ago, I was in an abusive relationship. I worked for some small money and studied, having no idea what to do with my life… I didn’t really feel like I belonged at home, since my parents were very strict despite me being 20 at the time. Plus, I had a room which I shared with my brother, and despite it all not being bad or anything, it simply wasn’t enough for me.

But since, I’ve graduated and found a great job I can work at from home whenever I want. I got engaged to the guy I love more each day, and of course I’m anxious for the next step. But if I keep neglecting where I am now vs where I was a couple years back… Who’s to say I’ll ever be happy with what I get? There will always be that next step, won’t it?

So if you want to know how to not be envious of friends or anyone else in the simplest way possible: start writing a gratitude journal. Or even simpler, when you lay to sleep at night, before you doze off, remind yourself of all you have, but not in a “list it out like on a test” kind of way. Really feel it, smile, and know that even better things are coming.

So, How to Avoid Being Envious?

Two things will be enough. First, remind yourself it’s not fair to be envious of someone because they put in more work than you. Second, include gratitude in your daily activities, simply to pat yourself on the back for what you’ve accomplished so far, and to tell the Universe: “Thank you for all this. I promise to work hard for everything else my heart desires, and I know you’ll be there to support me.”


A 27-year-old married mom-to-be, trying to have it all. I have a full-time job I enjoy, a home I’m in love with, and plenty of hobbies I try my best to have the time for. A psychologist by vocation, with the goal of helping young women live their best lives.

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