I am guilty of comparing myself with others. I do try not to do it, and I believe I’ve made a huge progress, but I still catch myself doing it. As a consequence, I end up feeling miserable and like a lesser person. And with pregnancy sadness already rearing its head here and there, it’s not something I need.

Bottom line is, comparing yourself to others leads to nothing productive. I mean, have you ever done it and ended up feeling better? Inspired? Hardly! So here’s how to stop doing it.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Here are four full proof tips to help you out (and here’s all about taking care of yourself as a woman).

Know That It’s Never Too Late to Change Your Life.

Comparing yourself to others often starts with the question of age.

“Look, we’re the same age, and they’re already living here, working that awesome job, and have two kids!”

Or even worse:

“They’re younger than me and have already achieved more!”

Okay, and? Be that as it may, how does thinking that way serve you? You’re bound to end up feeling miserable, like a failure, and sinking deeper and deeper into the pit of despair. Never compare yourself to others, especially this way. Sure, I see my ex coworker living in Spain, going to the beach every day, traveling everywhere, and having a kid on top of that! Mind you’re, we’re the same age. But what good does it do me? Will it help me reach my own dreams? No! She worked hard to be where she is, and she was bold. Meanwhile, I chose the safe path, and I enjoyed my life here with my boyfriend/husband of five years. If I’m at any point serious about changing my life, I should focus on what I can do about it – not cry over how others already did it.

Not everyone is ready for a change at the same time. Just because one person already achieved something you want, doesn’t mean you won’t. Happiness and success are not a limited resource.

Let Others Inspire You.

Before you start comparing yourself with others, ask yourself: does this benefit me? Chances are, the answer will be a resounding “no”. What comparison often leads to are feelings of envy and despair. On the other hand, letting yourself be inspired by others is the way to go.

Do you know someone who worked hard and achieved all of their dreams? Great! Try and reconstruct how they did it, or ask them, even. It’s likely it didn’t fall from the sky. Whether they were manifesting their dreams through affirmations, working 12 hours a day to achieve it, or took a leap of faith, the good news is – they did it! And you can, too, if you truly decide you want to.

Only Compare Yourself With the Past You.

After all, you’re the only person in the world who started from exactly the same position as you did. It’s important to recognize and celebrate your successes, as small as they may seem. It will show you something is changing, and help inspire you to do more.

For example, a year ago, I wasn’t much of a cook, I was a writer with 30% less pay and virtually no responsibilities, and I would start so many things but never finish any of them. Since then, I went skiing for the first time and nailed it rather than giving up; I got a promotion and now have much more responsibility + bigger pay. This girl also got great at cooking, and I’m now 7 months pregnant! I also run this website which has been around for almost a year now, started offering coaching again, and I am super-dedicated to it all.

Now, my ultimate goal is to live in a huge house and make six figures. I want to be able to travel anywhere, anytime, and even to buy a house abroad. But that’s not going to happen if I don’t honor myself for every little step I take towards it (although knowing how to save money will certainly help).

Make Reasonable Plans.

And make sure it’s something you want, rather than going for things you’re conditioned to want. One of my best friends is a flight attendant. Every day, her Instagram is full of exotic places she goes, and sure, I’d love to see them! I love traveling so much, I did it even while pregnant (with all the necessary precautions, of course). But I am aware that that lifestyle – not being able to have a stable relationship, constant jet lags, can’t even think of having kids – wouldn’t fly with me, pardon the pun.

So be sure to find your true passion and work towards achieving your own ideal life. Be reasonable about those goals, but think big, too. Now, this may seem counterintuitive, but it shouldn’t be. You want to make 6, 7 figures? Of course it’s possible! But if you set yourself a deadline of a year to achieve it, now that’s not very achievable, is it? It can only set you back, when you realize you’re not where you wanted to be. So be sure to set SMART goals and be reasonable – but dream big, too.

Just give yourself some time to get there, and do not compare yourself to others while you’re working towards it.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Bottom Line

Just because someone lives in New York doesn’t mean you’d be happy there. If they have 3 kids, that doesn’t mean that’d make you happy. So try and picture your own ideal life, then start building it piece by piece. Be reasonable and only go with what you want, not with other people’s ideas of a perfect life. Never compare yourself with others, but allow yourself to be inspired by them.

And last but not least – celebrate every little success.

Jelena

A 27-year-old married mom-to-be, trying to have it all. I have a full-time job I enjoy, a home I’m in love with, and plenty of hobbies I try my best to have the time for. A psychologist by vocation, with the goal of helping young women live their best lives.